The Way of The Pen Pen
by kitedragon
Summary: The Life of Pen Pen and the EVA cast, though this may change the way you look at them... Warning: It is highly adivised not to read the 1st chap. even if that is the only one because...
1. Warning:ThisMayRuinUrImageOfEVAenMe

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. Evangelion and it's logos, characters, etc. belong to their rightful owners.

It was another usual day at Pen Pen's cooling storage unit in the Misato household. As Pen Pen slowly grew conscious, the "fridge", or so the humans called it, immediately lit up with his day's mission log.

Mission log 20395:

Objective 1:

a) Locate beer in the fridge

b) Drink a max. of 2 cans

c) Take Tylenol Extra Strength: Drunken Penguin Ver.

Objective 2:

Open the fridge

Find either "Baka" or Misato

Eat Breakfast

Objective 3:

Do whatever

Closing Mission Log 20395 –

It was the average routine his A.I. for penguins he brought from home gave him. Yet he wasn't one to complain because it was a very nice one. He wondered how his fellow penguin brethren were faring so far. At least the other angels stopped coming, though he did remember on how the entire thing started.

-- Flashback --

Pen Pen was chatting with Adam until the booze really sunk in. Suddenly, a crazy and extremely repulsive bet occurred. It was to see who could fart the hardest. They were supposed to fart at the same time, but Pen Pen did a split second too early. Immediately, the Earth had a nuclear winter so powerful, that it turned out to be too powerful. In fact, it sort of distorted time itself. So years later, when those semi-intelligent ape like creatures dubbed Hu-mans came, Adam was as bright as ever with a flashy fart entrapped in ice and then things basically went a little crazy from there…

-- End Flashback --

Pen Pen's head hurt from just thinking about the booze he drank back then, or it could be the booze he just drank while in the oversized fridge. He didn't have a chance to find out as he crashed into the wall.

The first word Pen Pen could think of when he woke up was: OW. Yet he quickly forgot when he looked at the thingymablobarything that ticked like crazy every moment. He immediately dashed into the kitchen but to his dismay, neither human was there. The equivalent of the apocalypse had came for him: NO FOOD! Then again, he could always eat those strange things in the bathroom that had large painted signs saying: WARNING! DO NOT TOUCH YOU OR ELSE NOW GO AWAY! Whatever that meant.

Such a time has never came to him. Even when the angels attacked… He remembered back then….

"Sorry Pen Pen, but I have to go now. I promise to give you something when I come back in, oh, say 3 hours?" Stated Shinji. Just as he was about to go out the door he saw something blocking his path: A penguin wearing black shades standing on a stool pointing at him the twin barrels of a shotgun. Baka immediately dropped his jaw past the floor several stories down through a few cars in the parking lot and to the Geofront. His scream caused an explosion that was thought to be the angel's primary attack.

"I wonder what will happen when he see Rei or Asuka…" murmured Pen Pen who was now completely black and crisp with his shades titled in an awkward manner.

Yet now Baka was nowhere in sight so he couldn't stop him now. Besides, the forget potion apparently gave Shinji some mental troubles afterwards… But food was above all in Pen Pen's world.

Now just so you know, i'm bored near insanity so the following part of the story will have no meaning on the plot ( if there is one) and may be completely insane and irrelivant to Everything.

The following scene will include Pen Pen in a beefed up version of the Battle Armor from some game. The closest thing I can think of it's description is the Heavy Mechs from Mech Warrior, which I do not own or have. It will be about Pen Pen trying to get a higher body count then Asuka when SELEE attacks. If you are not the type that enjoys strong violence and henz ketchup (with garlic powderings) smeared all over the place for no senssible reason, then please DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER OR MY INSANITY STATE WILL DRIVE AWAY YOU, MY READER'S!!!!! ( note reader apostriphy s)

Asuka easily stopped the missle with the battle ship then threw it at SELEE forces, instantly smooshing them all followed by large explosions.

Pen Pen (soon known as Pen2) then teleported into the scene. Yet he was instantly visible and made countless enemy soldiers tremble in fear and aw, and stealing the attention from Asuka, no longer the waay she looked in the anime, she immediatly got a big # on her head.

She then took out 2 rocket launchers and fired at enemy ships and tanks. Pen2 responded by jumping in his and activated the 2 Giant Gattling Cannons he had for arms and sprayed the enemy with 3 meter THICK ( I ment width) rounds. Then he began to catch on by activating his back mini- canons and the shoulder pod cannons. The left fired heavy insenary (firery) rockets that easily melted through reinfoced plating and the right shoulder pod fired heavy plasma rockets. Then Pen2 activated his torso's 360 degree spinning function and sprayed death at the SELEE forces.

Asuka was the red devil and was throughing cruisers around but did not expect that giant thing that spinned while firing at least 6 different weapons to be tat powerfu; and amazingly, every round _HIT_... though sometimes they hit trees, plants, squerriels, text books, schoolsand such, everyone of them hit something other then the ground.

Then the MP EVAs came with their fancy wings and landed on the Gefront. things didn't look too good then. But Asuka was soo pissed, her EVA slowly grew horns, wings and a tail, not to mention much more bulky and...

Slap!

OW!

(back to the story)

Anywayz, the battle suddenly grew silent, when suddenly the MP EVA's knew they could not win since Pen2 with a machine that wsa practically nothing but armor and giant weapons ( instant magickly replenished rounds) was definietley not part of the script despite how many times that EVA 11 flipped through the papers looking for where it said : "EVA 11 wings snap and lands face first into the ground and gets a hangover fron the party last night." Yet everyone knew that the wings weren't real ( they couldn't afford to buy good wings as their budget just hit $0 when it came to MP EVA 11.) That meant they had only 1 option left... DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!

The Mp EVAs immediatly jumped on the mats and started dancing when a DJ came from nowhere along with the Earth darkening and a disco ball hanging from the sky.

" That's impossible! It can't hang like that!" Yelled Shinji. "Besides, it-" he never had a chance to finish because he was soon squashed by the angered Pen2 for not making him breakfast.

Immediatly, the EVAs and Pen2 where using PS 2's ( they work a little better)

SLAP

adkfghalhgbnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aebghaeb naeibnhaitbnat uiluilat uiliuaghtbz vn rtnfgsr6jtfntyjkmxy

silence

more akward silence

Plz READ AND REVEIW!!! THIS STORY WILL BE actually SABATOGED THOUGH IF YOU WANT ME TOo BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN WRITTEN BY ME IN AN INSANE STATE OF MIND. BUT STILL READ AND REVEIW!!! IN FACT, I DECIDED TO PUT THIS STORY UP FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON THAT I CAN THINK OF FOR THE MOMENT or probably forever. IN FACT, IT'S NOT EVEN HUMOROUS!

How do you get stuff like astrixes? I do not use Spell Check

Y ME???? (can't take life anymore! wah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!aelgyl b


	2. This Chap Has a Plot!

Ok, sorry about the first chapter but if you read past the warning point, then I doubt you're reading this chap. I did tell you not to!!! Anyway, there Will be a plot in this chap. Anyway, back to the basics.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Evangelion.

Happy now? You better be cause I just waisted 1.5 seconds to do that. I don't you dare tell me that dosn't count and I'm going to be sued. Besides, how many people will actually read this? So don't you give me any bs and scroll down to the part that let's you make me get in trouble.

Also, please don't just go to this chap. to give me bad reveiws and flame cause I did explain why it suddenly became even worse then it was. K?

I do not use spell check...

----- The Penguinhood outpost Alpha Gamma Rada 34A6 -----

Pen Pen meeped as he entered his boss's dim lit room. As usual, the Boss had his back faced toward the door. 'Why cant I get a nice suit like his?' wondered the unfortunate penguin as he creeped in. 'I musn't waddle away. I musn't waddle away. I musn't wad- wait, that's just like that ruck ( bad German word) I know.'

"Do you know why I called you in here?" questioned the Boss as he took a puff at the cigar.

"Uh..... you wanted to play XBOX?'

"Sigh. Apparently, the technecian bums were to busy stuffing their faces with Captain Bill's shrimp burgers and forgot to bring an important peice of technology from the Humans that was needed in our new Death Ray ver.7.6 anti-galaxy model that is so vital to all our plans that it could end all shrimp kind!" The Boss said while keeping his calm posture. "That means there would be no more of Captain Bill's shrimp burgers for them to stuff there faces in! Do you see how horrible that is? We must need it but we can only keep it if we throw it away, which makes absolutely no sense at all!"

Pen Pen immediatly gasped as he heard the shocking fact: No more shrimp flavored alcohol. Suddenly the world turned dark black and too large for Pen Pen to handle ."The world as we know it is over!" Yelled elite penguin spy. "Who will inspire us with their shiny tin bottles with extremely harmful toxic fluids that may kill an animal on contact yet is so nice and soothing despite their horrible hang-overs. Who will guide us into the fray of battling with the bottle opener that is every penguin's worst nightmare if there was not you, my only reason to live with those humans who made you the guiding thing that reflects shiny lights at me so I may find the will to live! WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY! Oh my life and soul burns in pain at the mere thought of one of your many cousins gone which include: twist, soft, plain, strong, apple, cinnimen, shrimp and more even though you can eaisily cause in one way or another: diaheria, head-aches, shoulder pains, loss of beaks, loss of intelligence, sesure, heart attack, nightmares of fluffy vicous bunnies, change of sex, gain of the other gender, death, insanity, stupidity, hunger for human waste and urine, raving for asparagus, loss of gender, Parkinson's disease, writing disgraceful fics that the arthor found out the hard way, AIDS, Influenza, Coccidioidomycosis, Uterince Cancer (shudders), loss of taste, exploding from swallowing a match, and much much more!"

Suddenly an awkward silence fell in the room as Pen Pen said that all in one breathe within 6.8 seconds...

"Okay..." was all that the almighty Boss could say for a very long time.

hehehe

heheh

ehehhe

heheh

eheheh

eheheh

eheheh

hehehe

Hehehehe! That was chap.2 part 1, why was it so short? There's these things called a writer's block and a hang-over, and I'm under 18! Also, it isn't that smart im my personal opinion to break out of a mental institute holding a sub-machine gun and a knife in the other hand.(again for someone... dun look at me!) Also, did you know that if I lived in Thailand and you called the cops in the Western Hemisphere, they would probably never find me because then I would be living in Thailand!

hehehehe

hehehehe

hehehehe

hehehehe

choke choke

choke choke

gasp gasp

hu

huhuh

hu

hh

g

gg

rbgl.

silence

---- Chapter 2 part 2 (hey, 2 2's!) ----

Misato was still out drinking at some random bar weilding her gun with a few spare clips at her side along with a giant Heavy Machine Gunusing that used nuclear rounds in the other. Obviously, neither Shinji or Pen Pen liked the person who paid for their dwelling to have such an arnament being carried around when she got drunk. Espesially with a katana and a satchel of incenary grenades too.

That ment it was Pen Pen's job to occasionally follow her into those bars and sit at a corner. But he had to order a few beers at least in order for a penguin weilding a rocket launcher to not seem suspicious. He really didn't like hiding in that bright pink box that said in Bold Flashing neon signs: A killer penguin is not really hiding under this box so please go away right now before the penguin that is not really hiding under this box gets annoyed and kills you and causes a scene for absolutely no good reason and don't forget to thank the EVA crew for making up such a great thing for that nonexistant drunk killer penguin to hide under without you knowingthat a non-existant drunk killer penguin with a wicked rocket launcher that litterally screams "Painful and Deadly"was really there.

'Thank the powers above that people are really this stupid' mumured Pen Pen as he went into another random bar named: Club Pleasure. As usually Misato waved her guns around wildly and literally scared the crap out of everyone just before she pressed the triggers at everyone. Luckily, a thing called safeties prevented the entire neigborhood from being obliterated.

"Shit, it's damnation incarnate again!" Yelled the bartender who wet himself. "Triple wages to anyone who takes my job for an hour and still lives by then!" he screamed as he threw his uniform to a random sober guy.

Before the poor fellow could say "Fu-!" Misato was up to him and pointed her HMG at him. "I'd like another barrel of booze now....." she said drunkily.

'At least I know no one will try to hit on her for a while now at least.' Thought Pen Pen. However, that "while" was not even2 minutes (Sure, she is hot -KICK- ow... ( 15 minutes time elapse) but you'ld think that at least the people would wait for 5 minutes before trying to hit on someone with a HMG and all that fancy weaponry that could wipe out Angels in 1 hit, even if they were drunk.) and to make matters worse, the local druglord along with at least 500 people armed with sub-machine guns swarmed the street.

Just like anyone sensible, Pen Pen made a loud MEEP! and hid under that pink box that said in Bold Flashing neon signs: A killer penguin is not really hiding under this box so please go away right now before the penguin that is not really hiding under this box gets annoyed and kills you and causes a scene for absolutely no good reason and don't forget to thank the EVA crew for making up such a great thing for that nonexistant drunk killer penguin to hide under without you knowingthat a non-existant drunk killer penguin with a wicked rocket launcher that litterally screams "Painful and Deadly" was really there.

One of the grunts holding a rocket that also literraly screamed "Painful and Deadly" walked up to Pen Pen's hiding place and said "Is a killer penguin really hiding under here?"

Pen Pen immdeiatly said "Of course not! Can't you read?"

"No I can't! wah!" cried the grunt as he ran away.

"Fhewph! I didn't know that they were all that stupid! They really are stupid ugly bastards!"

"Wait, are you sure?

"Of course!"

"Then who just talked to me?"

"Mr. Wuggles!"

"I love you darling Wuggles!!!!" yelled the male grunt. "Just checking to see if no one stole my idea of a rocket that literally screams 'Painful and Deadly!'"

Twitch

BOOM! Pen Pen threw the pink box that said in Bold Flashing neon signs: A killer penguin is not really hiding under this box so please go away right now before the penguin that is not really hiding under this box gets annoyed and kills you and causes a scene for absolutely no good reason and don't forget to thank the EVA crew for making up such a great thing for that nonexistant drunk killer penguin to hide under without you knowingthat a non-existant drunk killer penguin with a wicked rocket launcher that litterally screams "Painful and Deadly"was really there into the grunt at over 500 kps.

"THAT WAS MY IDEA YOU UGLY SON OF A B!&#!"

Silence.

"oops..."

Drastic Sad Old War Theme Etc. music begins to play in the background.

"fudgesicles..."

Just then, Misato's HMG safetie switch was so flabbergasted that is fell off, causing EVERYONE's jaw to drop with an exception of the drunk Misato herself.

'Shotgun pumping sounds'

'laser pointer activation sounds'

"Multiple N2 Mines launch detected" (think Starcraft)

"Third imapact strength cubed detected"

Hey, that hasn't happened yet in this story! You're not suppose to know that!

'Battle music switches to armageddon styled music'

uh oh....

this is not good...

'meeping sounds detected'

'wetting of pants detected'

wah, I want my mommy!

if only I went to school today.

Pen Pen, you did make sure they were only Black Napalm rounds, not N3 mines, right?

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK!

Please Read&Reveiw >:) or I'll delete the next chap. that will be on here within24 hours of thetime this came out!!


End file.
